The last conversation I had with Cissy before I learned of her death was a brief text that lasted only a matter of minutes. What if I had actually picked up the phone and called her? What if I had driven over to her house? What if I had invited her to dinner? If I had done any of those things, would it have changed what happened less than 10 hours later? Would she still be alive right now? Or would things have played out exactly the same? I guess those questions will never be answered. I guess I'll always wonder what if.
One thing that's not an unanswered question to me anymore is why does it take something like death to make us open our eyes to the things around us? Life! That's the answer. Life gets in the way of seeing the importance of life. We get so caught up in our own busy lives, that nothing else seems important anymore. Other people's problems become an inconvenience rather than something that brings us closer together. Relationships become more work than we think they're worth...until of course that person is gone and we start the 'what ifs' all over again.
You meet people throughout your life. Some are there for a brief moment, some stay a while longer and some are there for a lifetime. It's really up to you where you want those people to be. Relationships take work. People change over time and those relationships either maintain through that change or fall through the cracks. These past two days have made me reflect on the relationships I have in my life. And every one of them needs work. I need to be a better wife, daughter, mother and friend. I hope this moment of sadness I feel for the loss of someone, who at one point in my life was my best friend, isn't something that just passes as the days go by. I hope this feeling of sadness motivates me to be a better person, not just for those around me but for myself. It sucks to think I could've done a better job of reaching out to someone instead of letting that moment slip away. Sometimes you can never get that relationship back. Don't miss that moment to be someone's friend or to rebuild a relationship that needs your attention. It may be the last chance you get....and then you won't be stuck wondering 'what if'.
